Caribbean Parenting Mindset: How Shifting Your Approach Helps Children Thrive

I grew up in a home where children followed instructions without asking questions, where a certain look was enough to make you sit up straight, and where adults didn’t always explain; you just did what you were told.

If you asked, “But why?” you were considered rude or “too bold”.

Maybe you had a similar experience.

For a long time, I believed in this upbringing. It was familiar; it was what I knew, and honestly sometimes, it worked; children listened and things got done. But as I started teaching, and myself became a mother, I realized something: some of the old ways didn’t support the kind of children of today. We obeyed out of fear, but fear does not build confidence, and fear does not build thinkers.

Somewhere along the way, I had to do some reflection; I had to pause and ask myself: “Am I raising a child who follows instructions or a child who can think, reason, communicate, and grow?” My perspectives changed.

In Caribbean households, we like to “handle things quickly”; that “quick fix.” A stern look or punishment to send a strong message.

I learnt over time that building a relationship is a stronger teacher than control. I started slowing down t really listen to what children were trying to say; they were more willing to listen in return. Sometimes, just sitting down beside a child and saying, “Talk to me, I want to understand,” does more tot shape behaviour than anything else.

And let me be honest; this approach takes a lot of practice; and I am still learning. I saw a difference though; especially with children who struggle.

Many of us were raised to believe punishment equals discipline. However, punishment without an explanation encourages silence and not understanding.

So instead of saying: “Stop that! You are disturbing me.” I try to say, “I need quiet so I can think; give me five minutes, then we will talk.”

It sounds irrelevant, but this shift shows respect, and in turn, children learn respect. Both the children and myself, do not always get it right, but discipline rooted in teaching is more powerful than discipline rooted in fear.

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard and even used phrases like:

• stubborn

• don’t like to work

What if these behaviours are signs that a child needs help with self-regulation, frustration, or focus? What if the “stubborn” child is actually a child who doesn’t yet know how to express emotions? That was a humbling realization for me. Children aren’t really giving trouble; they are attempting to communicate their needs.

In the Caribbean, we often respond to the behaviour instead of the reason behind it. I’m learning to do the opposite.

Comparison runs deep in our culture, as well. “Look at how she is doing her work!” “Why you can’t be neat like your cousin?” I have heard it and have said it. I have felt the sting of it when directed at me.

But comparisons plant insecurity and is not motivating.

As parents, we love to do everything for our children; we iron their clothes, pack their bags, clean up after them; then we turn around and ask, “Why can’t you do anything yourself?”

We have to learn to let go and give responsibility; real responsibility; not just chores, but tasks that build independence and confidence.

The more a child does for himself, the more he believes he can.

What I’m Learning (and Still Practising)

• Old Mindset

  “Children must listen”

  “I must be in control”

  “Don’t question me”

  “Punish to correct”

• New Mindset

“Children learn to listen when they feel heard.”

“Connection builds cooperation.”

“Questions help children understand.”

“Teach so they can grow.”

As a teacher, I don’t always get it right, and I don’t pretend to. Some days my patience is low, and the old habits resurface. But I’m learning to give grace to myself too.

Changing my parenting mindset isn’t easy because it meant unlearning what I once believed was the only way. When I shifted, however, I noticed something: the children around me stood a little taller, shared their feelings a little more, and believed in themselves a little deeper.

Tip of the Day:

Before correcting, connect. Even one minute of presence makes discipline easier.

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